I used to be completely obsessed with the show “Intervention.” For about two years, this was absolutely my favorite television program. I’m no longer a devoted viewer; watching pathetic drug addicts engage in self-destructive behavior gets a little dreary after awhile. There are, however, some pretty great episodes, the highlights of which I would like to share.
Betsy
This woman was an unemployed former kindergarten teacher who, despite drinking five bottles of wine a day in order to avoid withdrawal, denied being an alcoholic. And we’re not talking your run-of-the-mill withdrawal. Not only would this lady shake and vomit, she would also shit uncontrollably. If you need alcohol in order to be in charge of your own bowels, it’s time for rehab. Betsy’s intervention was a success in that she got on an airplane to go to treatment, and a failure in that she flew back home before setting foot in the facility.
Cristy
This bitch was a seriously deranged meth addict. Her residence looked like a garage, except filthier. Additionally, she was in the process of writing a book which inexplicably involved a lot of arithmetic and talk about her own divinity. She stripped to earn her keep, but appeared to genuinely enjoy it inasmuch as she chose to be naked more or less all the time. Cristy’s intervention was a success in that, after being *tranquilized*, she boarded an airplane to go to treatment, and a failure in that she was tossed out after 30 days due to disruptive behavior.
Jennifer
This episode was nothing to write home about, but Jennifer had an absolutely charming habit that deserves a mention: she would drink, vomit, and then drink her own vomit. I shit you not.
Miriam
This is scheduled to air on July 12, 2010. According to the A&E website, Miriam, a reverend at a wedding chapel, is addicted to PCP. Although I too am named Miriam, I’m sadly not the subject of this episode. At least I don’t think I am. With all the PCP I ingest, it’s hard to know for sure…
A Public Service Announcement:
I’m a nerd, so my experience with hard drugs is basically non-existent, but I feel confident in saying that whatever the government and anti-drug people tell you about pot and cocaine and ecstasy, they’re exaggerating. Obviously drugs aren’t healthy, but your D.A.R.E. officer was completely full of shit.
Meth, on the other hand, is terrifying. Your teeth fall out, you become emaciated, and then completely lose your mind. Remember a few years ago when that guy went berserk, driving a tank through the streets of Los Angeles? Meth. The rampage only ended when the LAPD killed him.
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One question about Betsy: red or white?
ReplyDeleteSeriously, that's an awful lot of drinking. I think her life would improve immeasurably if she moved on to vodka. It would be a major time-saver.
I think the meth scare may be overblown. At least that what I'm told by the guy I get my meth from. And he would know, amirite?
I believe Betsy was a chardonnay drinker, and the volume of that is astounding. There was an intervention with a guy who drank 24 beers a day, which seems like it would an entail an awful lot of peeing. This guy actually got sober and his wife and kid came back and stuff. Very heartwarming.
ReplyDeleteDon't listen to your meth guy. That's what my pcp guy told me, and now I'm on Intervention.