Baseless and Mean-Spirited

As you may know, a bill proposing the legalization of same-sex marriage is currently making the rounds in Albany. As you may also know, television ads produced by special interest groups are retarded. So this morning when I saw a commercial paid for by some collection of New Yorkers who oppose gay marriage – New Yorkers United to Protect Children from Butt Sex, or something – I wasn’t surprised that it was terrible. I was, however, surprised by the blatant weakness of their argument. Here are a few factoids from the commercial, designed to make me say no to same-sex marriage:

1. Kids in California (or Massachusetts, or somewhere else queer) are taught that boys can marry other boys.

2. A class in California was taken to a same-sex marriage ceremony, with the school describing the field trip as a “teachable moment.”

3. Two dudes getting married infringes upon my rights as a heterosexual.

OK, on point one, if two (or more) consenting adults believe their relationship is valid, it’s valid. To claim that you’re somehow better-equipped to gauge the legitimacy of strangers’ love lives than they are equipped to gauge the legitimacy of their own, is to display a set of monstrous, unsightly balls. Whether or not you agree with what they’re doing is irrelevant. A modern society allows its adults to choose their own romantic partners. It’s as simple as that.

As to point two, I agree that a gay wedding is an odd choice for field trip, and perhaps not as enriching for children’s minds as, say, a museum. That being said, in a litigious society such as our own, teachers and administrators are not in the business of whisking kids off school grounds without their parents’ full support. The attendees’ parents were informed of what the trip entailed, and signed off on it. Fear not. Your kid won’t be going to any gay weddings without your knowledge and approval.

Argument number three really isn’t even an argument at all. Which rights, exactly, am I losing? Marriage isn’t a scarce commodity. There’s no upper limit on the number of marriages that can occur within a given time frame, so it’s not as though two affianced dudes could be stealing a marriage that was rightfully yours. Perhaps conservatives and Christians are laboring under the belief that the legalization of same-sex marriage is synonymous with the criminalization of opposite-sex marriage. It’s not. Oh, and if marriage is so fucking sacred, don’t protest in Albany. Protest in front of a drive-thru chapel in Vegas.

This commercial was so disturbing in part because I’m desperate – DESPERATE – to hear an argument against gay marriage that doesn’t ultimately boil down to, “Guys fucking guys is icky.” This issue seems so cut-and-dry that it makes me nervous, like I must be missing something. Other groups I disagree with have viewpoints I can vaguely understand. I think abortion should be legal, but I understand why people oppose it. It’s hard to pinpoint when a group of cells become a fetus, and it’s perhaps even harder to determine what rights to grant to those cells or that fetus. Similarly, I don’t support the death penalty, but I understand the instinct to rid the country of its most dangerous criminals.

The instinct to stop gays from marrying, on the other hand, is not understandable. It’s baseless and mean-spirited, and until someone is able to present a reasonable argument – something to do with our safety or our money or our quality of life – I’ll never think otherwise.