Boat People

If you’ve spent any appreciable amount of time near a body of freshwater, you know the boat people. Very basically, a boat person is someone who owns and enjoys a boat of the non-yacht variety. That which follows is a highly unscientific anthropological breakdown of this particular subset of the human species.

Habitat

Natural lake dwellers, the boat people come ashore frequently as they retain certain human characteristics (i.e. lungs) that require them to periodically seek terra firma. In fact, like their fellow humans the vast majority of boat people actually reside on dry land, the only difference being that a boat person’s home must be in close proximity to his native body of water. Although exceedingly rare, full-time residence in an aquatic abode is not unheard of. As you will recall from grade school, not all rectangles are squares, but all squares are rectangles. Similarly not all boat people live in houseboats, but all people who live in houseboats are boat people.


Social Strata

Although humans of all classes enjoy various forms of aquatic recreation, the boat people are defiantly working class. This is not to say that all boat people are of the same class; as it is among all groups of humans, class among the boat people is measured along a spectrum. The higher classes gravitate toward the blue collar professions, while the lower classes gravitate toward the unemployment office. Those boat people who fall outside of the traditional social orders are often involved in the production and distribution of methamphetamine. Far from being scorned, the methamphetamine professional possesses a certain cachet within his community. Like their biker brethren, the boat people inherently distrust authority and thus glamorize the outlaws among their ranks.


Visual Aesthetics

On matters sartorial, the boat person takes his cue from the early 1990’s. Neon-colored shorts are a perennial favorite, as is the Margaritaville t-shirt. Pragmatic to a fault, the apparel and accessories of the boat people often reflect their constant struggle to avoid sun damage. As such, boat people seldom remove their wraparound shades, and consider a daily application of brightly-colored zinc oxide to the nose to be vital. In spite of these precautions, the skin of a boat person is invariably deeply tanned and leathery. Mustaches are a common sight on both men and women.

Aural Aesthetics

1. Skynyrd
2. Buffett