Who Wants to be a Millionaire

I’m back. Despite my cramped law school schedule, something so ridiculous has occurred that I have little choice but to discuss it. In the wake of Obama’s reelection Donald Trump has called for a revolution. DONALD. TRUMP. REVOLUTION. I’m sorry, but hasn’t America worked out pretty well for this retard? We haven’t discriminated against him for being euphemistically special. In fact, America has allowed him to cultivate the world’s lowest IQ to wealth ratio. He’s a goddamn record-holder, ladies and gentlemen. Poor little Donnie would probably argue that he accumulated his wealth back in the good ol‘ days when folks worked hard and there was no government or whatever, but things have changed, and Donnie’s become a victim. “It’s not traditional America anymore.” See The Gospel According to Bill O’Reilly, White Power Press (2012). All these so-called people - who are infuriatingly not white - are now voting and they “want stuff.” Id. at #racialpurity. And who’s going give these greedy have-nots “stuff?” Why, haves like Donald of course. Oh what to do, what to do. Well, revolt of course (i.e., start a race war). They’ll probably kick things off with welfare recipients, beating them with clubs and shouting “We’re buying you Cadillacs!” Then all the illegal immigrants who aren’t their personal nannies, gardeners, etc. will be sent somewhere awful like Greenland or Appalachia. “We’re sick of paying for your kids to learn to read!” Up next Hispanic-Americans get the guillotine. “Why can’t we convince you to vote against your own self interest?!” Chop. You get the picture. This whole joke only works (and I’m not sure it does) because Trump is one of the few Americans without a reason to revolt. Indeed the rest of us who get “stuff” from the government on Donald’s tab should revolt on grounds of insufficient “stuff.” For example, do you know just how poor you have to be to qualify for Medicaid? Like, super-duper poor. Family-of-12-on-$8-a-year poor. Kid-with-distended-stomach-and-swarming-flies poor. Even with Obamacare, your standard poor person like me still has to buy over-priced insurance from private providers. Meanwhile, the super rich pay so little in taxes that if those ghastly proles in power let the Bush tax cuts expire in secret, only Scrooge McDuck would notice because only he swims in a pool of his own cash. If there’s a class war going on, you’re winning. I’m simply at a loss as to what rich white men have to complain about. So there are fewer of you around. So “traditional values” are less important than they used to be. So the President is only half white. So the fuck what? You still hold the vast majority of power and privilege in this country, and having an elite half-white man beat an elite whole-white man doesn’t change that. Believe me, the rest of us aren’t coming after you. We got other shit to worry about.