The Sound of Music

These are a few of my favorite things…

State Motto: “Live Free or Die” – New Hampshire
Most states went with platitudes about God, equality, and righteousness; New Hampshire opted for a full-on threat, which is pretty badass. The silver medal has to go to Maryland for the supremely retarded, “Manly deeds, womanly words.”

Police Procedural: “Law & Order U.K.”
Everything’s better with accents.

Bizarre Japanese Invention: Smoker’s Mask
Are you a smoker? Are you also busy? Ever wish there were some way to indulge your habit without sacrificing productivity? Well now you can with the smoker’s mask, a plastic apparatus you affix to your face as a doctor might affix a surgical mask to his. Just strap it on, fill each of the mask’s 20 holes with a cigarette, fire ‘em up, and smoke a whole pack in one shot. If you don’t die, the rest of the day is all yours.

Idiomatic Expression: “A stitch in time saves nine.”
There are ways in which I’m a bumbling fool, as evidenced by the fact that I didn’t grasp the meaning behind this expression until a few months ago. Before that, I thought of it as kind of sci-fi, something to do with the nature and potential non-linearity of time. I’m disappointed that its true meaning is so prosaic, but for me it will always be very “Back to the Future.”

Holiday: Halloween
Turkey or candy? Candy. Presents or candy? Candy. Fireworks or candy? Candy. The only downside of my preferred holiday is the age restriction. Where do the arbiters of Halloween get off telling me I’m too old to collect candy from strangers? If I’m enthused and encostumed (a word which doesn’t exist, but should), cut me a break.

Convicted Criminal: Armin Meiwes
This guy – German, unsurprisingly, and someone I’ve discussed on this blog before – trolled the internet in search of a human who would consent to being eaten. Astonishingly he found someone, and Mr. Meiwes enjoyed this man’s flesh for nearly a year. He’s my favorite criminal because, despite being convicted of murder, Mr. Meiwes at no point violated the will of another, making him the cuddliest cannibal in the western world.

Religion: Mormonism
I want to know about the underpants.