I'm looking for someplace comfy to plant my ass!

Now that mega-rich dickholes – and their dimwitted proxies in the Republican Party – are shouting “class warfare,” it’s time to dust off the guillotines.

A little background: Despite having a household income more than 1.5 times the national median (!), my partner and I relax on $50 chairs in an apartment lit with $10 Christmas tree lights. That’s apparently what passes for a comfortable, middle-class existence these days. Now I assure you I’m not complaining. We have a place to live, a place to sit, and (eco-friendly) lights to guide our way. In short, we’re so fortunate it makes me blush. But consider the fact that NYC mayor, Michael Bloomberg, resents the notion that he should pay more taxes, yet owns a million dollar couch. Makes you kind of sick, right?

I mean, really, give it a moment’s thought. A MILLION dollars! That’s completely fucking insane. You can get a really terrific couch for $1,000, a well-built, comfortable sofa that will last for years and look great in your home. It might even massage you or pull out into a bed. I can’t imagine Michael Bloomberg’s couch is 1000 times better – does it offer happy endings? – but it’s 1000 times more precious. In what universe is that kind of expense justifiable? For that kind of money he could send a half dozen poor kids to Harvard; he could pay for an uninsured cancer patient’s medical treatments; he could buy some bungalows for a few families facing foreclosure. Or he could acquire something to put his ass on. Disgusting.

This is just further evidence of what all right-thinking people already know, namely that the rich are out of control and no longer in touch with reality. Sadly, they seem adept at portraying themselves as victims and lots of people seem to buy it. I’m not talking about people whose net worth is a million dollars, although they too could stand to pony up a little more. I’m talking about people who own a single item – with the possible exception of a house – for which they paid a million dollars. There’s just no good reason for anyone to be that rich, especially when there are working people out there who can’t afford a pot to piss in. Why defend these people from the tyranny of taxes? The government taking some of their money to fund programs that ensure old people and babies don’t starve is not class warfare. Buying a million dollar couch is.

Which brings me back to my original point. They deserve to see real class warfare through the lens of a guillotine. Who’s with me?