Come the 2012 election, I would advise you all to vote Republican. Hear me out.
It’s increasingly clear that in the eyes of Republicans, whatever Obama does – and I mean WHATEVER – is wrong. Ipso facto, dead fucking wrong. Perhaps a fair-hued Democrat would face less scrutiny, but I suspect not. I’m inclined to believe Republicans when they claim they’re not racist, which is to say I’m inclined to believe they’re completely insane and amoral and willing to oppose any and all policies supported by Democrats, irrespective of skin color. Ergo, a Democrat in the White House can accomplish nothing.
A Republican in the White House, on the other hand, can take care of business. He can raise the debt ceiling and taxes, and regulate industry without anyone blinking an eye; indeed, if history is anything to go by, Republicans in the White House aren’t shy about betraying their small government ideals when it becomes expedient to do so. Sure, with a Republican president, we’ll have to hear all that talk about overturning Roe v. Wade and defending the indefensible Defense of Marriage Act, but given the state of the global economy, I’d happily give up my right to have an abortion or marry a ladyfriend in order to prevent the Great Depression Part Deux. Anyway, it’s unlikely that Republicans would actually make any real headway on social issues; those ancient relics in nursing homes – the ones who are dying or becoming too infirm or senile to vote – are the people most distressed by social progress, so it stands to reason that with the march of time, America will become more liberal.
We will not, however, become savvier on the economics front. It ain’t called the dismal science for nothing. People get bored stupid when you talk money. They don’t understand it, they don’t want to understand it, and they never will understand it. Want proof? Republicans are busily and successfully convincing voters that the US credit rating was downgraded because of Obama’s profligate spending, despite the fact that Standard & Poor’s took the unusual step of publicly blaming the downgrade on House Republicans’ refusal to increase government revenue. I mean, any buffoon with even a cursory understanding of investment can work out that a noisy, extended debate on the possibility of defaulting on our financial obligations didn’t exactly inspire confidence in potential lenders. That, apparently, is too much thought for most people, who would rather just believe whatever words come out of Michelle Bachmann’s mouth.
So let’s get a Republican into the White House. Not a Teabagger – I fear they might earnestly believe all the bullshit they spew – but an opportunistic conservative, someone who’s a Republican for mostly pragmatic reasons. Perhaps Mitt Romney. He’s bland enough to make a decent ringer. So, there you have it. My advice: vote Mitt Romney 2012.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
The only thing worse than a Democrat.....
I am now officially old. Twenty-nine. I turned 29 on July 31, 2011. That’s old. Not back-pain, dentures, and porridge old, but old enough to feel like something should have happened by now.
I understand, on an intellectual level, that it’s not reasonable to expect to have achieved or earned or even been given a whole fuck of a lot before the age of 30. We do, after all, live in an age of lowered expectations, eliminated expectations for the unlucky. This latter group of unfortunate souls – everyone who’s more than 5 years younger than I am – is completely fucked. My generation is at a low cruising altitude with little hope of advancement; they’re trapped in a pond at the end of the runway. Those poor kids.
Lots of those poor kids have never voted. They’ll head out to the polls in 2012, much like I did in 2000, as voting virgins. Maybe they’ll be excited, but if they’re sensible they won’t be. After all, who are they going to vote for? The first vote I cast was for Al Gore in an election that wound up being decided by the US Supreme Court. That was enough to put me off of the electoral process, but it’s nothing compared to what kids are now confronting. Their generation is disposable, because their generation is poor; they don’t have money now, and they won’t have money in the future, because no one’s hiring them. Those crappy, entry-level, no-status jobs are going to people my age, people with more experience and more education. I’d feel guilty, but to survive in the American economy, you have to look out for number 1. If you don’t have money, you don’t have a voice. Democracy, it turns out, is not really compatible with capitalism. Neither is peace. Neither is prosperity.
People my age will return to the polls as voting veterans. Most of us will probably go Democrat, for the sole reason that they seem fractionally less bent on destroying the universe. Not much, but a little. We’ll vote for them because they’re less assiduous in their distaste for same-sex marriage, because they oppose some of the right’s more manifestly psychotic positions. Not, you’ll note, because we think they’ll really do a whole lot to make our lives better; we’re at that stage where our votes are cast with the simple hope of maybe getting by. That’s it. I expect that the sun will have set on the US empire before I hit 30. I expect to live hand-to-mouth until I drop dead. I expect I won’t ever retire. I expect that one day my medical bills will become overwhelming. I expect not to starve, but who can say? Expectations suitably lowered. Happy birthday to me.
I understand, on an intellectual level, that it’s not reasonable to expect to have achieved or earned or even been given a whole fuck of a lot before the age of 30. We do, after all, live in an age of lowered expectations, eliminated expectations for the unlucky. This latter group of unfortunate souls – everyone who’s more than 5 years younger than I am – is completely fucked. My generation is at a low cruising altitude with little hope of advancement; they’re trapped in a pond at the end of the runway. Those poor kids.
Lots of those poor kids have never voted. They’ll head out to the polls in 2012, much like I did in 2000, as voting virgins. Maybe they’ll be excited, but if they’re sensible they won’t be. After all, who are they going to vote for? The first vote I cast was for Al Gore in an election that wound up being decided by the US Supreme Court. That was enough to put me off of the electoral process, but it’s nothing compared to what kids are now confronting. Their generation is disposable, because their generation is poor; they don’t have money now, and they won’t have money in the future, because no one’s hiring them. Those crappy, entry-level, no-status jobs are going to people my age, people with more experience and more education. I’d feel guilty, but to survive in the American economy, you have to look out for number 1. If you don’t have money, you don’t have a voice. Democracy, it turns out, is not really compatible with capitalism. Neither is peace. Neither is prosperity.
People my age will return to the polls as voting veterans. Most of us will probably go Democrat, for the sole reason that they seem fractionally less bent on destroying the universe. Not much, but a little. We’ll vote for them because they’re less assiduous in their distaste for same-sex marriage, because they oppose some of the right’s more manifestly psychotic positions. Not, you’ll note, because we think they’ll really do a whole lot to make our lives better; we’re at that stage where our votes are cast with the simple hope of maybe getting by. That’s it. I expect that the sun will have set on the US empire before I hit 30. I expect to live hand-to-mouth until I drop dead. I expect I won’t ever retire. I expect that one day my medical bills will become overwhelming. I expect not to starve, but who can say? Expectations suitably lowered. Happy birthday to me.
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